Call it spiritual discord or spiritual detachment. This is what is creeping into the minds of youth these days. We see a growing spiritual crisis in the world today. There is devotion to indulgence of pleasure in the objects of sensual desire, which is inferior, low, vulgar, ignoble, and leads to no good; and there is devotion to self torment, which is painful, ignoble and leads to no good. Our advancement in science & technology has brought us unprecedented material well being, but we seem further away than ever before from true spiritual wholeness. Many have lost faith in traditional religions & the age old values inherited as part of a culture but they wander endlessly in search of the material gratification which they hope will find them the true happiness. Man is too deep-rooted in this gross materialistic world to let go of its “glitz & glamour” for a subtler state of finding happiness. Each tries to search for that happiness what their scriptures have told them to look out for; in the end it’s the dejection & frustration of not finding that which has been “written” making them go agnostic in their holistic view of any approach to spirituality.

Its quite evident that the difficulty in striking a balance between ones practical life and the laid down principles of their religion (please note, am not pointing to spirituality) causes them to shun that one which binds & forbids them and bingo! There goes the faith in religion and with it spirituality. Little do they know that both are virtually way apart from each other. Being part of a religion is something like being employed in a company & abiding by its rules while spirituality is like free-lancing. There are no set of rules, you are free to search by your own not at all bound by any constraints. Spirituality is an inner search for happiness and fulfillment. One must be ready to open one’s heart and with the power of cognition try to attain spiritual fulfillment which will bring true happiness and mental wellness.

What I feel is that spiritual development depends upon a true appreciation and acceptance of a diversity of spiritual beliefs. This can provide us with a fresh view of the beliefs of others, allows us to take from each set of beliefs that which holds true, and enables us to customize a personal spirituality that which makes sense for each of us; it could change from person to person depending upon what he/she wants. It also comes from our cognitive power, to search on our own without any pre-conceived ideas that innumerable religions of the world have put forth. We might be lucky to chance or tumble upon something. Either way it all points to the basic question of who we are and what we want. But are we daring enough to tread that line?.....Am I?

 Excerpts from some “freelancers”……..      

Who really knows?
Who will here proclaim it?
Whence was it produced?
Whence is this creation?
The gods came afterwards, with the creation of this universe.
Who then knows whence it has arisen?

Whence this creation has arisen
– perhaps it formed itself, or perhaps it did not –
the One who looks down on it,
in the highest heaven, only He knows
or perhaps He does not know.

                                    “Creation Hymn – Rig Veda”

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
                                    “T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding”

After spending so many years in research and discovering(or rediscovering?) new laws I happened to chance upon some wierd stories and photographs of one guy from that mystical country called India that surprised me. My very existence was at stake because his actions knowingly or unknowingly questioned my so called valuable contribution to world of Physics. I was afraid that my King would take away from me the title of Knighthood and send me to gallows. With the help of a friend, I set sail to India to meet this remarkable film artiste(as I came to understand) known as Rajanikanth.

Once, I landed in India I watched a few Tamil movies that this great guy performed. What I saw with my own eyes was beyond belief and set my head spinning. I was convinced that all my logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk. I apologize for misleading the world with my stupid laws.

(Seeing the movies, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.)

Here are a few scenes that I saw


1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth! (Hooray!! I didn't know that my second law is a life saving recipe!!)


2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.(Whew!! that was too much math. I need to catch up) 


3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies... (What happened to my second law now!!? ...err...did I ...no...plssss..)

This was too much for me to take! I was completely shaken and decided to go back. But I happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow MY theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and I am happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (I couldn’t help smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

I don’t deserve to be part of this world…….Adieu pals…....

Of late I have been noticing people proudly declaring themselves as “Agnostic”. But what I fail to understand is that even though they claim to part of the free thinking world of which unobtrusively this idea had sprouted, they seem to be firm believers in their own faiths handed down to them since childhood.

Now is that possible or is that the “in-thing” when asked about as to whats ones’ religion is? Or is it the wider & intellectual side of the oxymoron state which this world seems to be moving to? With so many “ifs”, “dos & don’ts”, etc….I think people in large feel seemingly comfortable in keeping their feet in both boats.

Now who is an agnostic. The one principle linking all meanings of "Agnostic" is that God's existence can neither be proved nor disproved, on the basis of current evidence. Agnostics note that some theologians and philosophers have tried to to prove, for millennia, that God exists. Others have attempted to prove that God does not exist. Agnostics feel that neither side has convincingly succeeded at their task. What I feel is that they are the new age “Atheists” who wants to keep their religious side intact, only to be flaunted in dire cases of insecurity. You will come across a whole lot of these new age thinkers which will even put our political parties to shame, take for instance the umpteen Congress in Kerala (almost all the 26 alphabets have been used up).

Agnostic Theists: Those who believe that a deity probably exists but not sure. (Then why not believe than negate?)

Agnostic Atheists: Those who believe that it is very improbable that a deity exists but still there is something. (What??)

Empirical Agnostics: They believe that God may exist, but that little or nothing can be known about him/her/it/them. (OK, understandable, Identity Crisis.)

Agnostic Humanists: These individuals are undecided about the existence of God. Further, they do not really consider the question to be particularly important. They have derived their moral and behavioral codes from secular considerations. Their ethical behavior would not be altered even if a deity were proven to exist. (Still hard to let go off God?)

Spiritual Agnostic: They believe that one does not have to possess faith in a higher power or a particular religion in order to be spiritual. (What is spirit-ual then?)

Religious Agnostic: They observe a religious tradition but observe it only as a tradition. (Now is that inclusive of religion or minus religion and if minus then why this term?)

Rational Agnostic: They stress on logic, reason and proof. For them spirituality can never provide anything other than what they already experienced in this materialistic world. But they also never defy either the existence or the possibility of God. (Is that blind logic or convoluted logic?)

What next Political Agnostic? I wouldn’t be surprised!!

It seemed a perfect winter morning, the Sun rays trying to peep through the mild mist. The air fresh from the fragrance of the dew spotted Roses and Chrysanthemums. What an irony, he thought. How he loved all this and yet despised winter. He carefully let his rickety bicycle roll along the paved walkway. He grumbled as he heard the clanging sound of the pedals as it went along with its lifeless rotation. After fastening his cycle behind the car parking lot he checked out his dress and gave a satisfied smile, no rusty spots on his spotless full white uniform. He looked at the health centre and gave a big sigh, what a serene atmosphere now and how its going to change in a matter of minutes.

Krishnettan, as his very few friends & acquaintances addressed him liked to be a loner and he had maintained that for the good part of his life. He lived in his own make believe world and had all the world’s time. Time to him wasn’t anything precious to be gobbled up quickly but to savour slowly, so much so that sometimes people would be at pains waiting for him to finish off a sentence. Many a times he had to be reminded he was saying something. Everything about him was monotonous and stereotype. The most anyone had seen him in other than his bright white uniform was in pale cream or off white stitched in the same fashion as his uniform. Even though well past into his mid 50s, he looked much older. The health centre where he had been working as a compounder for the past 30 years and his cheap type cottage were the only two worlds where his physical presence was most felt.

No one knew why he didn’t marry. Whenever that matter was put up to him he would shy away and it was a treat to the mischievous eyes of young boys and girls to see him slanting away with a blushed face. Of all his friends, he most frequented Krishnankutty’s (known to his friends as PK) place. Maybe he used to entertain him more with talks rather than wait for his slow outpourings or was it for the simple reason that there was similarity with both their names, no one knew. Any updates about Krishnettan, people used to call up PK. PK, though much younger to Krishnettan, knew exactly how to tame around his senior into jovial mood from the forlorn one he always carried. PK had once tried to rake up Krishnettan’s mind to find any hidden or subdued desire for a partner. He planned to invite him for lunch one Sunday. After much cajoling as usual he accepted the invitation, though two Sundays already passed by much to PK’s resigned annoyance.

Krishnettan arrived at PK’s house early as suspected by him.

Shailu…..our hero is here, make the coffee ready. We might be in need of more today. He called out to his wife as he saw Krishnettan meticulously trying to balance his bicycle on its rusty rear stand. He went out to greet him.

Ah, namaskaram Krishnetta!, Let me help you with that. He went over and lifted the cycle and let it rest along the hedged fence. In the meantime he heard a long drawled namaskaram from Krishnettan.

Time for a new one chetta(big brother), this one is older than you. Not fit enough to be your partner. PK said with a mischievous glance.

I will not get anything other than that now. PK was taken aback; he for sure didn’t expect a reply so soon from him. Not to lose the topic, he chipped in.

Who said you cannot get? There is nothing like “cannot”. Let your desires be fulfilled, don’t suppress it.

PK waited for any response but Krishnettan was busy in unbuckling his jet black sandals. PK watched as the scrawny fingers fumbled with the buckle. Once inside, PK handed over the cup of coffee to his old friend. He let him take some time as he knew ramming in this topic will only end it forever.

Some desires also need time. Words seeped out of the feeble lips as he slowly sipped his coffee.

Krishnetta, it is we who decide how much time we need. We can’t wait for the time to come our way. He loved this, now he knew he has him hooked onto this topic.

Age is also a deciding factor.

Yes, Krishnetta and for sure you will need someone with you after retirement which is not far away, don’t you think so?

Yes, but…..sigh…..His voice trailed as his mind went into deep thoughts.

PK looked at him and he understood what was going through the old chap’s mind.

Krishnetta, what you need now is a soul mate and companion more than your physical needs. He said stressing on each word like a professor dictating notes to his class.

Krishnettan looked at PK with a shy grin on his face, shook his head and said….”Aye…shhh, Shailaja might hear us.”. He was too blushed to say anything more.

So, tell me, if you had this desire why you didn’t do anything about it for all these years?

You know, I had some obligations to fulfill as the eldest in the family.

But that was over as you told me, its almost a decade now since then.

I thought it was too late for any marriage then.

And now? What do you think?

I should have married then.

Well, we can’t go back to that time. Think about now. I see that you still have the same thoughts. You spent 10 years thinking; now you can’t afford that.

Yes…..

So if you are willing to get married, then do something about it.

I have already spoken to my second sister. Krishnettan looked up with a sheepish grin.

PK couldn’t help laughing out. “Shailuuu, come over her. We have got news, it seems marriage bells are ringing for our dear Krishnettan,..”kochu kallan”!

Oh, that’s so nice to hear, so chetta, will you have one more coffee? Let’s hear what the plans are. Shailaja asked with a teasing tone.

Rest of the day went by with Krishnettan’s small plans about his marriage accompanied by teasing & leg pulling from PK & his wife. One can say that the latter happened more than any real info from Krishnettan. They came to know about his plans of going for vacation that summer & the poor chap was hopeful that he might find his long awaited partner then. There was only one thing that Krishenttan wanted from PK. To treat this matter with outmost secrecy which PK willingly obliged. In the evening after a tea session with Parle’s glucose biscuits (his favourite), Krishnettan decided it was time for him to get going.

As he was struggling to release his cycle from its rickety stand, PK called out with a teasing wink: “Don’t give much importance to the age of the girl, Krishnetta, remember what I told you before?”

Krishnettan’s blushing face would have put even a young bride to shame.

Months went by and PK never used to lose the chance to rekindle the flame whenever he met his old friend. Come summer and Krishnettan seemed to be in a very jovial mood. Everyone was surprised as to the reason for this drastic transformation, some feeling happy for him, some intrigued & even some concluding that it might be due to senile decay. The day he was to leave for his home town on vacation he went and met PK. PK was all happy for his dear friend and wished him all the luck in finding his partner and hoped that when he returned back he would see him as two, not one.

A couple of months went by and there was no news from Krishnettan. PK had sent two letters to him but without any reply. He hated this uneasy silence. He went and enquired at the local health centre for any news about his leave, what if he may have extended it. His suspicion turned out to be true. The old chap had extended his leave by another three weeks. He was quite sure that something about marriage might have materialized. Still he felt hurt that he hadn’t even bothered to reply to his two letters.

For PK three weeks went by in great anticipation. He let in another week to pass by before he thought about catching up on Krishnettan. He was hoping that everything went fine for him because he wasn’t feeling good about the continued silence from him. On a Sunday morning he decided to call in on Krishnettan. He knew that this day he never ventures out anywhere. When he was almost a furlong near Krishnettan’s abode, he switched off his Enfield Bullet. “Should give him a surprise”. Thought PK.

After parking his bike a little away from what he felt might be Krishnettan’s sight, he went up to the door and knocked slightly two times. “This man is a lazy bone” Wondered PK as he noticed the falling scales of paint from the door, the jutting out flakes of plaster from the walls and the dirty cobwebs on the ceiling. “What is taking him so long, might be in the courtyard washing his clothes.” Thought PK as he gave a couple of hard knocks on the door. It seemed like an eternity before the door opened slowly to reveal Krishnettan in a very shabby state and with a stupid grin on his face.

“What Krishnetta, you were still sleeping, its almost 10’o clock now.”

Krishnettan moved aside from the open door and invited PK in.

Please sit, I will come just now. Sorry, the whole place is in a mess.

As if it never was, come on Krishnetta, go take your time I will wait here.

Krishnettan was back soon and took a seat opposite his friend.

So, tell me, whats the news? I had written two letters to you. Did you get them? Asked PK

Yes, sorry, I was too busy. PK waited for him to come out with anything more to that short statement until he lost his patience and asked.

My dear Krishnetta, please tell me what happened about your marriage plans. Blurted PK

Krishnettan looked at him with a glint in his eyes, a small smile coming onto his face. He looked at the curtained doorway that led into his small dinning room and called out in his usual drawly tone……”Vi…laaa….siniii……….. Vi…laaa….siniii”.

PK could hear some rustling & clinging of bangles as he watched in eager anticipation. PK watched as a young woman in her mid thirties emerged from behind the curtain with a fixed smile on her face. She had sharp features and the jet black curly hair gave a serene beauty to a face void of any make-up. PK was stunned; he was at a loss of words. He looked at his friend. “How did he?....How could she?” He thought.

Krishnettan looked at her and said. “This is my wife Vilasini, Vilasini, this is my dear friend that I used to tell you about so much…..PK.”

There wasn’t much to talk about. PK couldn’t muster the strength to ask him directly. After having a cup of hot tea, PK took leave of Krishnettan & his young wife. Krishnettan came out and said “I will accompany you up to your bike”

PK I know what you are thinking. PK gave him a quizzical look.

This is in fact Vilasini’s second marriage, her first husband died some 6-7 years back in an accident just a week in to their marriage. She has two sisters younger to her but no proposals are coming for them as people are afraid that same fate maybe in store for the sisters. No one was even willing to marry her also. I don’t have to fear anything like that. So, I thought if I marry her then maybe it will take away the bad omen that has befallen the family.

PK was still looking at him the same way all through the narration by Krishnettan. When he felt that there was nothing more to come from those parched lips, he took his friend’s hands in his and asked “So, do you regret doing that? Did you do that willingly or as a saviour?”

No I don’t regret anything and about your other question I can only say both ways. Krishnettan was having more than a smile on his face.

Well, then my dear friend I can only say one thing to you, remember what I had told you before?” Asked PK as he kick-started his bike.

Yes, I do remember.

Then, don’t remember, forget it Krishnetta but do take care!! Winked PK as he drove away with a chuckle.

Well, once again I have drifted into my spiritual moods and these are just some thoughts that try to sail through the choppy brain waves within me. Though asked umpteen times to myself and one of the most sought after questions since mankind’s existence, it still insists on asking the same, what is Elightenment? Enlightenment (spiritual) has always been an ever elusive enigma to me till this day.

I have never understood as to why I get kind of shuttling in and out this state of being. For some period I have a sense of this infinite, boundless consciousness that encompasses us where at least to some extent you feel like you are what you are witnessing. And then, either out of the blue this feeling totally vanishes or fades gradually. I am back to my contracted & egoic self.

Not that I haven’t tried to transform myself in order to become a living ex-pression of the emptiness and purity of motive that one discovers in the spiritual experience. Is it because I have fallen prey to the stealthy confused state of mind that any seeker can be confronted with, Spiritual Promiscuity? There is a whole lot of schools that try to home in on the seekers as “The Ultimate” way. Many seekers do not take full responsibility for their own liberation, but wait for one big, final spiritual experience which will catapult them fully into it. It is this search for the final liberating experience which gives rise to a rampant form of spiritual consumerism in which seekers go from one teacher to another, shopping for enlightenment as if shopping for sweets in a candy store. Its something like selling water on the banks of the river. This spiritual promiscuity is rapidly turning the search for enlightenment into a cult of experience seekers. And, while many people indeed have powerful experiences, in most cases these do not lead to the profound transformation of the individual, which is the ex-pression of enlightenment….(me included, I fear ).

Wishing all my iLand friends a very Happy New Year 2007!!
Guess what dear friends, I got one of best surprise gift for a new year......I will be happy at home for two weeks, sleeping, eating, watching movies(got to catch up a lot). For one time my wife won't complain, I hope so..:) because ....
..........."I Have Got Chicken Pox!!"

This post is a token for my dear friend here on iLand, Budhoose Kanjoose. I am glad that he was inspired to write about a lunatic he had seen in Kochi after reading my recent story “The Lunatic”. Thanks BK, in fact my story itself was inspired from a true life incident one of my friends narrated, in a lighter vein though, a far cry from the grim one that I had put up, I admit.

There was a lunatic who always used to ask for Rs.2 from the people coming out from the church after the Sunday masses. Once this guy approached my friend and asked as usual for Rs.2. He in turn showed him to a rich guy and said "Go and ask him, he is very rich & new in the town". My friend later got busy in chatting with his friends. While on his way down the steps, he again met that lunatic & he seemed to be in a confused state & murmuring something. When my friend enquired…”Well, I hope he must have provided you generously, are you happy now?”

The lunatic looked up at him & my friend could see that his eyes were red with anger. With clenched teeth he blurted out….

”Patti kazu…mon (a la son#$%#$%^), look what he has given me!!” flashing a Rs.100 note & tearing it to pieces!!

“Bloody beggar….don’t even have Rs.2 with him, look at him….silk kurta, kasavu mundu…..thoooomph!!”

My friend fished out Rs.2 to that lunatic and went laughing out his brains.

Like BK, I also never bothered to ask my friend what happened to that lunatic, I wondered whether my friend also bothered…….

It was hot and sultry outside, the Sun nonchalantly beaming down its scorching rays even though it was way past afternoon. The black barrister’s robe swayed around in repeated rhythmic dance from the clothes stand placed at a handy distance from the door.

Swaminathan looked at it as it went on with its hypnotic sway. He had never understood who had made this and why this outfit became the symbol of his profession worldwide. It looked to him more like an executioner’s robe, deep weird and draconian. But aren’t they the first step to that? He reminded himself that he is not to bother about such trivialities as he is only doing his karma as per his dharma. Maybe these thoughts could have made him seek solace in God. As the days into his profession went by, he became more and more pious. He also tried his outmost in helping out the old and needy and often his out of way approach invited both sharp criticism and accolades also.

There is a longing & fiery passion. You feel the need to want & know more; to delve into those unknown yet not knowing what exactly it is that you are searching. There is aggressiveness coupled with love and understanding as you cling on to it hoping to melt & absorb into it so that you will become one only. Strange are the ways of nature, don’t you think so as the thoughts for process of pro-creation seem like a replica for self-realization.

Umesh, beta please wake up……….Savithri’s hands ran through his thick curly hairs. Her son is an angel, she thought as she gave that warm motherly kiss on his forehead. The wheatish sharp features of his face rugged by nasty acnes & pitted scars albeit possessed a deadly charm.